Fred Requests a woman's point of view to help him understand.
Then Maye weighs in with good memories and advice.
By BOSTON FICTION WRITER & MayhemLass Listen to the Podcast at How To Sex.
Fred’s Question
Dear BFW;
I've never tried anal sex before. It never appealed to me. Actually, I never have given it much thought until I perused the anal sex category here at Literotica and found it so popular.
I am a bit embarrassed to admit it, but I have never even had sex doggie style either. Yes, I realize that doggie style sex is an overwhelming favorite for hordes of people but not for me. It is not that I did not try having sex doggie style, it just did not work for me; my cock did not reach far enough for me to feel like I was fucking her. I mean, really fucking her. Okay, it reached but it would not go in far enough for me to feel that feeling of deep and satisfying penetration. It felt weird. I mean, I do not have a small cock. My cock is a little bigger than average at 7". Yeah, she seemed to enjoy it, but I was not receiving the same feeling that I receive when doing it missionary style and being able to really pound her.
"Sorry, Honey, scoot down so that your head doesn't bang the wall."
Moreover, although all the women who I have ever been with were clean, having just showered, shaved, douched, and flossed, whenever I tried having sex with them doggie style, I always received an aroma of excrement, which is a total turn off. I mean, I really do not want to smell shit when I am boning someone, and I am not even having sex with them anally; I am just trying to do it doggie style. Yet, when you start pounding away, pumping your pelvic area against her hips, you are going to get a whiff of poopies. And even if she is the most beautiful chick, that is gross.
"Geez, Beyonce, what the Hell did you eat last night? You smell like a 3-day-old Taco Bell."
I remember growing up and that was one of the worse ranks you could say to someone about their mother.
"Shut up Carl! Your mother takes it up the ass."
Way worse than saying that your mother wears combat boots, taking a cock up the ass was a big insult. That is, until a Greek kid moved into the neighborhood and we were playing; and then we started arguing over something stupid and one kid said to the Greek kid.
"You mother takes it up the ass."
The Greek kid, Nick, I think his name was, shrugged and walked away because, apparently, she did take it up the ass. He probably thought the kid was complimenting his mother instead of insulting her.
I remember that movie back in the late '70's, Midnight Express with Billy Hayes. He played a college student who went through Turkey hoping to score some drugs, Hashish, and deliver them back to the United States, only he was caught. Boy, those Turks fucked everybody up the ass; it did not matter if you were a man or a woman. What did he call Turkey, a country of pigs? Anyway, any time you dropped anything in that country, you were best just to walk away from it and pretend that it was not yours rather than to bend over and pick it up only to find a Turkish cock up your ass.
"Fred, Is that your money clip?"
"Hasad, I don't know who that money clip belongs to but it is not mine."
"It has your name engraved on it, Fred."
"Hey, Hasad, do you think that I am the only person in Turkey named Freddie?"
"Yes."
"Okay Hasad, then, kick it over here and I'll lie on the ground with my ass to the pavement to pick it up."
Anyway, call me ignorant and I am sure that I will piss off a lot of people who are into anal sex but I always thought of anal sex as a gay thing or as a Greek thing and never as a another choice selection to my sexual menu.
"Honey, can I fuck you up the ass tonight?"
"Gee, Sweetie, wouldn't you rather have a blow job?"
"Okay, Honey."
Now that I think of it, that movie with Burt Reynolds, Deliverance, I can hear the banjo music, now, showed those mountain men fucking anything that moved up the ass.
"Look, Darryl, a deer. Shoot it."
"Nah, let's track it and catch it. Then, we'll fuck it up the ass before we kill it and bring the meat home to Maw."
Oh, and that scene in Quentin Tarantino's, Pulp Fiction where that shopkeeper takes the black dude down the cellar and he calls his friend, a cop, and they are both ready to bone this poor guy up the ass until Butch Coolidge, Bruce Willis, saved his ass with a Samari's sword. Man that was a violent movie. I betcha when Vincent Vega, John Travolta, emerged from the bathroom after taking a shit, he would have preferred taking it up the ass instead of being blown away with that sawed off shotgun by Butch. They just don't make good family movies like that anymore (lol).
Actually, don't the Eskimos like anal sex? Still, they have a reason; it is fucking cold in those igloos. Who wants to take off your clothes to have sex when it is so cold that the penguins are trying to get in bed with you to keep warm? This way, the Eskimo women just inch down their seal line pajama bottoms and bang go, you are getting off. How they rub noses while having anal sex is something that I'd like to see, well...maybe not.
Presently, sex to me includes intercourse, of course, oral sex, and foreplay. I can see Bubba in prison chomping at the bit not being able to wait until he can get a good behavior pass to go out of his jail cell and to use the computer in the library so that he can write me a nasty comment to this story. Yet, you know, Bubba, if you hadn't been a criminal and dumb enough to have been caught and have your sorry ass thrown in jail, then you would not have to be boning some other convict up the ass while sniffing their poopies. Matter of fact, once you are a free man and out on the street, you cannot tell me that you would rather bone a hussy up the ass instead of fucking them missionary style.
I asked my girlfriend if she ever had anal sex and she said that she had it once and did not care for it. Then, I asked my sister-in-law (I have to be careful writing about my sister-in-law otherwise this piece can easily become an incest, okay taboo piece, rather than an anal piece) if she had anal sex and she said that she had. My sister-in-law was the one who wanted me to have sex doggie style with her. She liked doing it doggie style but I could not satisfy her that way. Hey, call me old fashioned. To me, fucking someone up the ass is just sex and not making love. I'd rather face the woman when I am making love to her; so that I can kiss her and suck her tits. Maybe, that's it. I'm a tit man rather than an ass man and it's rather hard trying to suck nipples when they are way on the other side while you have your cock behind her instead of in front of her where God intended Adam to bone Eve.
"Freddie, you're hurting me and stretching my tits all out of shape trying to pull them back to suck them while you are fucking me up the ass."
Now, all the religious freaks will be coming out of the woodwork to make nasty comments to this story. Hey, if you zealots are so full of religion then you shouldn't be doing anal sex anyway. Doesn't the Bible tell you that the only time you people are suppose to have sex is when you are making babies?
"Honey, can I have sex with you, tonight?"
"I'm sorry, Jacob, but I am already pregnant. Give me 9 months and we'll have sex again, then."
Yeah, try telling that to Moses. He had like 100 kids. He must have thought he was a Mormon instead of a Jew and it was okay to have more than one wife. Can you just see Mrs. Moses, now?
"Hey, Moses. Why don't you bone me up the ass once in a while instead of fucking me missionary style? I'm tired of having all these kids and with you going up to the mountaintop waiting for Jesus to talk to you and not being around to help change diapers. Moses! Where are you going with all those animals? It's raining."
Okay, for a brief period, 4 years, I was in the swinging lifestyle and I took an unofficial survey of the women who I partied with (they call it party with instead of saying had sex with) and everyone one of them said that she has had anal sex. Yet, I did not find one woman who preferred anal sex to penis to vagina intercourse. Now, that's an interesting discovery, don't you think? Allow me to repeat that. There was not one woman who would rather have anal sex to having regular penis to vagina intercourse, not one.
"You look lovely tonight; I cannot wait to make love to you."
"Why don't I just drop my panty and bend over. Then, you can fuck me up the ass and we can continue our evening without all of the sexual anticipation?"
"But, Honey, we are in the elevator."
"So, you say that like there is something wrong with that."
My friend, Bill, who was a swinger, met this woman who wanted him to fuck her up the ass. She had never had anal sex before and had always wanted to try it. Her husband, the only other guy, apparently, like me who does not like anal sex, would not accommodate her so Bill said, "Sure," he'd fuck her up the ass. Only, and apparently, this woman did not know the rules to anal sex. How could she? She never had it before. Well, before attending this house party where the swingers gathered, the woman had gone to dinner with her husband and had a big meal.
Well, you guessed it. Bill was fucking her up the ass. Let me tell you about Bill. He is one horny guy and can fuck better than anyone half his age and he is 60. And he has this huge cock. Anyway, he's fucking this woman up the ass and she is enjoying herself until, suddenly...Bill is covered from his neck to his knees in her shit. She shit all over him and all over the sheets. There was shit on the carpet and on the walls. This woman must have been saving this shit up because it was everywhere. There was so much shit. The woman was so embarrassed that she hauled ass out of there with her husband and left poor Bill covered in shit. He showered and returned to the room to help the hostess clean up the mess. Now, that is a true story and you can ask Bill if you don't believe me. Bill, get in here and tell the readers about that woman who shit all over you when you were fucking her up the ass and that it is a true story.
"It's true."
"Thanks, Bill."
Now, let me end this story by writing that it was not my intention to pass judgment or to insult or to criticize anyone's sexual lifestyle. I embrace everyone's right to float their own boat so long as it is between two consenting adults. Sorry, Darryl. I am only trying to understand.
So, I ask you, what is the big deal about anal sex? I'd especially like to hear a woman's point of view, a woman who not only enjoys it and looks forward to it but also who prefers it to penis to vagina intercourse, and one who is not Greek, Turkish or an Eskimo; l o l.
"Sorry, Paris Hilton, you are just a slut and your opinion does not count. What's that? You have a story to tell me that you want me to write about you and Britney Spears and you want me to tell everyone the real reason why Britney shaved her head? Okay. Well, I have to take off with Paris, everyone. Ciao!"
How To Enjoy Anal Sex
One woman's suggestions.
MayhemLass answers Fred.
Judging from the popularity of this category and the myriad of responses I received, I have come to the conclusion that the misconceptions and preconceived notions respecting anal sex are legendary. My impression is for the most part that a lot of men want it and a lot of women are horrified at the very thought. Generally, society has frowned on this type of sex, as reflected in derogatory remarks such as "asshole". Unfortunately, a lot of people are missing out on a great addition to their sexual repertoire.
Before I go any further, I want to VERY clearly urge anyone with ANY concerns about their health to USE a condom. Even the gentlest anal sex can cause tiny nicks and scratches that could easily conduct any organisms straight into your body.
The anus has a multitude of nerves and muscles which when stimulated correctly, can provide enormous pleasure. Two sphincters are obvious when a finger is inserted – the first which provides the 'pucker" with which everyone is familiar, the other, about half an inch in. The first is controlled by the individual consciously – thus you can tighten or loosen it at will. The second is controlled by the part of the brain that controls bodily functions such as heartbeat, breathing etc – i.e. you cannot control its reactions directly. Proper and gentle manipulation can be equally enjoyable for men – whose prostrate can be stimulated from the insertion of a finger in the rectum – and for women, whose G spot is readily massaged through this form of lovemaking.
I would highly recommend that each individual familiarize themselves with their own bodies, exploring their own fundaments first to gauge the feeling and reactions that the insertion of a finger or object engenders.
As an aficionado myself, and female, I thought it would be helpful to address the issue and give my own suggestions/recommendations respecting the introduction and enjoyment of this unique form of lovemaking. I will deal with male penetration of a female's rectum as that is what I can recommend and am familiar with.
Anal sex is not something that should be introduced on a whim, nor thrust upon someone who is unfamiliar with this very arousing form of lovemaking. Ultimately, I believe that preparation and patience are the two primary ingredients of a successful introduction to anal sex.
A subtle yet honest form of behaviour modification works very well in this regard. Introducing your lover by attempting to push a stiff penis up a very small area unused to intrusions from that side of the body is a guarantee of failure. Rather, start gently and carefully.
Preparing Her Desire
1. First, begin with oral sex – an excellent starting point as you not only have intimate access to the desired area but as your lover's arousal increases, you are provided with the opportunity to gently and subtly introduce a finger; for instance, just tickling the fundament as your tongue takes care to keep her attention focused on the main event. As your lover starts to peak, push your finger very gently within the rim – do not go too deep or you will not only most likely derail her orgasm (thus creating a very frustrated and angry lover), you will also overstep the first steps to successful seduction.
Do this frequently and often, allowing her to slowly get accustomed to the feel of something tickling her anus, and in turn, linking an orgasm with the sensation of a foreign object around her anus. Done correctly, she will unconsciously begin to enjoy the extra stimulation provided by a careful finger or a warm tongue.
My strongest advice – DO NOT rush it! Most of us have been taught from a young age that anything to do with the very natural functions conversant with an anus are "dirty", that anything to do with the butt is "hands off". So not only do most people have to deal with the startling reality of accustoming themselves to something foreign in their anus – even more importantly, they have to overcome societal imperatives and parental restrictions.
2. Second, after your lover has become accustomed to – and learned to enjoy – non-threatening anal play, slowly begin to increase the level of your insertion. The anus does not self-lubricate, so unless your finger is sufficiently lubricated with your partner's own juices, then use a proper lubricant such as KY jelly or something similar. Providing oral sex while gently thrusting your finger in and out of her anus after she has learned to enjoy anal play is guaranteed to provide a very satisfactory and intense orgasm – thus continuing your gentle behaviour modification.
At this stage, it can also be stimulating and encouraging to gently insert a finger during intercourse. This can be done in a variety of positions, the easiest being the female kneeling and the male penetrating from the back. He then has easy access to her rectum and although it can be tricky, the sensation engendered by double penetration can be seductive and immensely exciting.
3. Third. After a sufficient period of time has elapsed and your lover has become accustomed to and enjoys her anus being stimulated, then you can begin preparations for actual anal intercourse.
There are some basic rules and preparation that I would highly recommend if you want an enjoyable and satisfying experience with anal sex. I will list them below:
• Be healthy – ensure there is plenty of fibre in your diet so that your natural functions are normal and healthy. Some individuals prefer to have an enema to ensure no fecal matter is present, but if your diet is healthy and you have emptied your bowels, I do not believe this is necessary.
• Have a recommended lubricant on hand, such as KY jelly.
• Be conscious at all times of your lover's responses – being aware and responsive to her reactions is crucial if both parties are to enjoy the process.
4. Next, it is probably most helpful to introduce anal sex when your lover is already open, relaxed and aroused – i.e. don't START with it but consider it the culmination of a sexy, fun and enthusiastic session of lovemaking. This is also advised because due to matters of hygiene and possible cross-contamination, it is highly recommended than the penis is washed thoroughly and carefully with soap and water after anal sex. The penis must be washed both to avoid any bacteria that might cause infection in the penis, but also to avoid giving your lover any issues.
Preparing Her Anus
Thus, assuming that you are now ready to introduce the penis, I suggest the following:
1. Lots of lubrication – particularly the first few times – play with your partner's anus with lubricated fingers and warm tongue until the rectum is relaxed and open. You can lubricate her rectum during play. Then, ensure that your penis is similarly coated with a safe lubricant.
2. Choosing a position which is comfortable for both of you – spoon fashion works very well especially for the first few times as it gives the woman more control – holding your penis firmly, push it gently – and I mean gently, against the lubricated rectum. A lubricated anus together with a lubricated penis almost guarantees that the spongy head of the penis will slowly push in. JUST as you enter – STOP!
It should be noted at this point, that the two sphincter muscles I mentioned above now become relevant. The woman can help with the first muscle by pushing out as if having a bowel movement - that flares the anus open and gives egress to the penis. BUT, once the head of the penis has entered, the man must stop and allow the inner sphincter muscles to accommodate themselves to the intrusion. However, eager and open she is, the woman cannot control that inner muscle and must wait for her body to accommodate – forcing it at this point could damage and tear the muscles.
3. Let the woman take the initiative at this point. She has to accustom herself to the feel of the penis in her butt – the sensation when first experienced can feel quite uncomfortable, as if you need to have a bowel movement. Allow her the time to relax both physically (given time, the inner ring of muscles will loosen) and emotionally, to the feel of a penis in her rectum. Allow her to take the lead, to indicate either verbally or through her body that she is ready for you to push a little more of your penis up. Again, Go Slow! As the penis is thrust up the fundament, that ring of muscles will once again tighten; allow them the time to loosen and relax as they accommodate the girth of the penis.
Once the entire penis is inserted to the groin, relax and enjoy the sensation before actually beginning to thrust. The woman can flex and constrict the outer ring of muscles as she becomes used to the feel. By slowing wiggling her bottom, she can control the rhythm and make the decision when she wants her partner to push in or out.
4. The feel of a penis up your rectum is immensely arousing once you have been properly prepared. There is the physical reality that the anus has a multitude of nerve endings and muscles that signal pleasure, the feel of a thrusting penis against the G spot can induce a sensation unlike any other (and can actually eventually lead to female ejaculation which will be the subject of another essay) and then the emotional reality that you are engaging in a "forbidden" pleasure can be in itself stimulating and exciting.
Enjoying Anal
From that point on, keeping hyper aware of your partner's response, you can engage in an increasingly enthusiastic bout of anal intercourse. As the intercourse continues, while the anus itself doesn't self-lubricate, the sensation and intense pleasure will ensure that the woman's natural lubrication together with the male's pre-cum mingle to form a very satisfactory and slippery lubricant which adds to the pleasure and allows intercourse to become more enthusiastic.
The man, at this point, may want to reach around and stimulate the woman's clitoris manually as it is quite common for women to require a little extra stimulation.
The only drawback to anal sex at this point occurs when the very exciting session has culminated and both partners have orgasmed. While it is tempting to loll in bed and enjoy the aftermath, it is crucial to wash within a reasonably quick period after sex – both the male and the female – to avoid the possibility of any infections.
I would add at this point that once you and your partner have a little more experience, some may prefer to use less lubricant or dispense with it altogether. Many females such as myself prefer the rougher stimulus provided by an unlubricated penis.
All in all, anal sex can be an exciting, arousing and fun addition to lovemaking.