Can I find a device make it better for us?
By Anonymous. Listen to the Podcast at How To Sex.
A battery-charged vibrator
Sex toys — also called adult toys or “marital aids” — are objects people use to have more pleasure during sex or masturbation. Sometimes sex toys can also have medical uses if you have a sexual dysfunction or medical condition. There are many different types of sex toys, and people use them for lots of different reasons.
It’s totally normal to use sex toys, but it’s also totally normal not to — it’s a personal decision, and everyone’s different. As long as you’re using sex toys safely, there’s nothing harmful about it.
Why do people use sex toys?
All kinds of people may choose to use sex toys, for many different reasons. For some, using sex toys is the easiest (or only) way they can have an orgasm — this is especially common for women. Sometimes people use sex toys to help them masturbate. People also use sex toys during sex with their lovers.
Some people with disabilities or limited mobility use sex toys to make it easier to masturbate, have sex, or do sexual activities or positions that would otherwise be harder or not possible for them.
Sex toys can also help treat the symptoms of certain disorders, like erectile dysfunction, genital arousal disorder, hypoactive sexual disorder, and orgasm disorder. And some people find that sex toys help them deal with the sexual side effects of certain medications, health conditions, or menopause — like a low sex drive or decreased sensation in their genitals.
What are the different types of sex toys?
There are thousands of different sex toys out there. Some of the most common ones include:
- Vibrators (aka vibes, personal massagers) — Objects that vibrate (move continuously/buzz) to stimulate your genitals. It’s very common for people to use vibrators to stimulate their clitoris and other parts of their vulva and vagina. But vibrators can also stimulate the penis, scrotum and testicles, nipples, and anus. Vibrators come in all shapes and sizes. Some can go inside a vagina or anus, and others are meant to be used outside the body.
- Dildos — Objects that go inside a vagina, anus, or mouth. Dildos come in many shapes and sizes, but they’re often shaped like a penis. Some look like realistic penises, and others are more abstract. They can also be slightly curved, to help stimulate your g-spot or prostate. Dildos can be made out of lots of different materials, like silicone, rubber, plastic, metal, or, break-resistant glass.
- Anal toys — Sex toys made specifically to stimulate and/or go inside your anus. Anal toys include plugs (usually called butt plugs), anal beads, prostate massagers, and dildos with a wide base. You need to use lube to use anal toys safely. And it’s very important that any toy you put in your butt has a flared base (meaning it’s wider at the bottom) or some other way to pull the toy out, so it can’t accidentally slip all the way in. If a sex toy goes all the way inside your butt, it could get stuck and you may have to go to the doctor to get it out.
- Sleeves (aka masturbation sleeves, penis sleeves, or strokers) — Soft tubes that you put your penis into. Sleeves come in all shapes and sizes, and often have different textures on the inside for more sensation. Some even have vibration or suction. There are also strokers that are specially designed for a larger clitoris or smaller penis, particularly for intersex people or trans men on hormone therapy.
- Penis rings (aka cock rings, erectile dysfunction rings, or constriction rings) — rings that go around your scrotum and/or penis. Penis rings slow blood flow out of the penis when it’s erect (hard), which can increase sensation, or make your erection harder and longer-lasting. The safest penis rings are made from soft, flexible materials that you can easily remove, like silicone, rubber, or leather with snaps. Some penis rings have little vibrators on them, to stimulate you and/or your partner. Because penis rings restrict your blood flow, don’t wear one for longer than 10-30 minutes, and take it off right away if you feel any pain or discomfort. And talk to your nurse or doctor before using penis rings if you have a bleeding disorder or are on blood-thinning medicine.
- Pumps (aka penis pumps, vacuum pumps, or vacuum erection pumps) — Vacuum-like devices that use a hand or battery-powered pump to create suction around your penis, clitoris, vulva, or nipples. Pumps used negative air pressure to create a vacuum, which drives blood flow to the area, which helps increase sensitivity and sensation. Some people also like the feeling of the suction. Penis pumps can help you get an erection, but they won’t make your penis permanently bigger. Some pumps are designed to help treat erectile dysfunction, genital arousal disorder, and orgasm disorder — you can get more information about these pumps from a nurse or doctor. But most of the pumps you buy in sex stores or adult shops are not medical devices, they’re just meant to enhance pleasure during sex and masturbation. Make sure to follow the instructions, and don’t pump for longer than the instructions say. And talk to your healthcare team before using a pump if you have a blood disorder, or are on blood-thinning medication.
- Ben Wa balls (aka Kegel balls, Kegel trainers, vagina balls, orgasm balls) — Round objects that you put inside your vagina. They can help you do exercises that tone and strengthen your Kegel muscles (aka pelvic floor muscles). Kegel balls are usually weighted so you have to squeeze your vagina to keep them inside your body. Some are hollow with smaller balls inside that roll and bounce when you move, making a jiggling sensation. You don’t need these balls to do Kegel exercises, and not everyone uses them for that purpose — many people just like the way they feel inside their vagina.
- Packers (a k a prosthetics) — objects that look and feel like a realistic penis (usually soft) that create a “bulge” in your underwear or clothes. Some packers also let you pee standing up (called stand-to-pee or STP packers). Like with anyone’s genitals, packers aren’t always sexual or used for sex. But some packers can be worn bent down or sticking up, so they can resemble both a non-erect (soft) penis and an erect (hard) penis, and can be used for sex.
- Harnesses (aka straps or strap-on harnesses) — garments that hold a packer, dildo, or other sex toy against your body. Some are worn like underwear or jock straps, and others may go around other parts of your body, like your thigh.
There are so many different kinds of sex toys and ways to use them that figuring out where to start can feel a little overwhelming. Going to a sex toy shop and asking someone who works there about different products can be a great way to learn more about sex toys and what might work well for you. You can also just try something that seems interesting and go from there. Or you may decide sex toys aren’t for you, and that’s totally Okay too. The point is that there are lots of options for different bodies and different kinds of sex — so no matter who you are or what kinds of sex you have, sex toys can be an option for you.
How do I use sex toys safely?
Sharing sex toys with other people can spread a sexually transmitted disease; referred to as an STD.
If someone who has an STD uses a sex toy, the body fluids on that toy can spread the infection to the next person who uses that toy. So if you’re using a sex toy with a partner, it’s important to take steps to help prevent STDs.
Wash your sex toys with mild soap and water after you use them, and before they touch another person’s genitals.
Putting condoms on sex toys can help keep them clean and prevent the spread of STDs. Just make sure you change condoms before the toy touches another person’s genitals.
If you’re using a sex toy in your anus, make sure you use lots of lube.
The anus doesn’t lubricate itself (get wet) the way a vagina does, so putting something in your butt without adding lube can be painful, uncomfortable, and even unsafe. And never put a sex toy that’s been in an anus into a vagina without washing it or changing the condom first. If germs from your anus get into your vagina, it can lead to vaginitis. It’s also important to make sure that any sex toy you use in your anus has a wide base or some other way to keep it from going all the way in. If a sex toy goes so far into your anus that you can’t reach it, you may need to see a nurse or doctor to get it out. (You can’t lose a sex toy in your vagina because your cervix blocks the end of it.)
Don’t use silicone lube with silicone sex toys, unless you put condoms on them.
Silicone lube can react with the solid silicone in your toy and damage it. Water-based lube is a safe bet to use with any sex toy (and any condom).
Only allow non-porous toys inside you.
If you’re putting a sex toy inside your body (mouth, vagina, or anus), it’s best to use one made of a body-safe, non-porous material — like 100% silicone (not silicone blends), hard plastic, stainless steel, aluminum, and break-resistant glass. Toys made from non-porous materials don’t absorb germs and are easier to keep clean. Sex toys made from materials that may be porous, but you can always use a condom on your toy to help it stay clean and keep any possible germs on it out of your body.
It’s always best to use sex toys that are specifically made to be sex toys.
This is especially if you’re putting them inside your body. DIY sex toys might not be safe, especially if they can break, have rough, sharp, or loose parts, or are made of materials that are unsanitary or can cause a reaction.
Where can I buy sex toys?
You can buy sex toys at specialty stores, usually called sex shops, sex stores, or adult stores. Some pharmacies, drug stores, or large retail stores sell a small variety of the more common sex toys, like vibrators.
Many sex stores and sex toy brands have websites where you can buy products online (they usually mail them in plain packaging for privacy).
Now, let’s hear from a knowledgeable connoisseur of various sex toys.
Sex Toys 101
Things to consider when buying a new toy.
By X xene
My new sex toys arrived in the mail a couple of weeks ago and as I tentatively opened the packages, I hoped I had made the right decision. For me, shopping money is very limited and it always pisses me off beyond belief when I order something that turns out to be a dud. Over the last few years, I have amassed quite a collection…one worthy of a full size toy chest if I were to store them all together. So when it comes to picking out toys, the wrong ones and the right ones, I definitely have the experience behind me to make wiser decisions than when I was first starting out.
So, because I am such a nice person, I thought I’d put together a list of things every girl, and guy, should consider when buying a new toy. I want to break it down into separate criteria, Price, Function, Size, & Product Maintenance.
Price:
You have to make sure you know what you’re looking for before you ever venture into a store, or onto a site. Now, I know you won’t have a particular product in mind, but ask yourself this question, “Am I looking for something to use everyday, every week, or just on special occasions?” The answer to that question that indicative of how much you should expect to spend.
If you just want something to ‘try out’ or use for one night of kink, don’t waste a lot of money on it. Chances are, you can find a cheap version of whatever it is somewhere online…but if it’s not going to be used that often, you really don’t have to worry too much about the quality of it. Cheap is fine. Most likely, the thrill will come from the psychological aspect of using the toy…not the physical sensations it gives.
If it’s a toy you plan to use weekly, like with a partner, I’d go for the upgrade…but not for the top of the line model. However, if you are not in a relationship, are in a long distance relationship, or are a chronic masturbator (which I could probably head up the support group on that one), go for quality. Otherwise, you’re just going to spend more money in the long run because you’re gonna break it, wear it out, or get tired of it. You get what you pay for and quality sex toys are rarely cheap. Although, I do luck up sometimes with a discount coupon or something manufactured by a company still trying to make a name for itself. If you are lucky enough to encounter any of these bargains, jump on them. Just because you’ve never heard of the company doesn’t mean the product won’t be quality. Actually, Doc Johnson, one of the most famous sex toy manufacturers puts out a lot of toys of questionable quality. Just check out what you’re getting first and you should be fine.
Function:
In order to get a product, whether cheap or expensive, that does what you want it to do for you, you have to ask yourself, “What gets me off?” The vague terms, clitoral stimulation, anal stimulation, g-spot stimulation will be terms you find plastered on nearly all toys. Taking their word for it will most likely end with you laying in your bed frustrated that it isn’t working and eventually getting tired and throwing whatever you’re playing with across the room only to fall back on your fingers or an old reliable toy.
If vibration does it for you, there is something you should take into consideration. Anything wrapped with a jelly sleeve (or any other soft covering) is going to be lacking in the vibration department. No matter how powerful the vibrator inside is, the vibrations just don’t travel through soft matter easily. If you want something heavy on vibration, you need a toy made of hard plastic or metal.
If you want something that stimulates the g-spot, you first have to know exactly where yours is located (and it differs in depth from woman to woman). You also need to know what kind of stimulation you need. Some women prefer a gentle rubbing type stimulation, whereas others prefer thumping or tapping. And for some, it is as simple as steady hard pressure. Know what feels good to your body before tackling the sex toy store.
Size:
Yeah, I said it. Size matters. Just probably not in the way most men seem to think it does. Granted there are some size queens out there, but most of us couldn’t accommodate more than 7 inches comfortably anyway…so what’s the point?
For some reason, the manufacturing companies have decided that if it doesn’t vibrate, thrust, gyrate or sing “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star” that in order to sell it must be the size of a tanker truck. But they couldn’t be more wrong. Unless it’s a double header, there is no reason to have so many foot long dildos on the market.
And what’s up with all of them having bulbous heads the size of a softball? I don’t know about anyone else, but just because my body was designed to push out a child doesn’t mean I want to experience myself being stretched out like that just for the hell of it!
With the anal stuff…be careful. I have fallen prey to this more times than one by buying over the internet. If you just want a little backdoor teasing, make sure you get specific measurements of the plug/vibe before you get it. Most of these seem to be made for porn stars and gay men who are used to having something large up their ass. But, if it’s not something you do often, go for a smaller model. I promise, it will feel three times as big once inside you.
Cleaning and Storage:
I have to say that these are things I never really thought about for a long time. I guess I had been buying sex toys for about three or four years before I even thought to check out the cleaning/storage instructions on the box before purchase. But this can be a very time consuming and expensive part of the ordeal. Trust me, wait until you have to pay twelve dollars for a special cleaning solution for a toy that’s not that great…it finds the bottom of the box (no pun intended unfortunately) very quickly.
Hard plastic, metal and glass toys can all be cleaned with warm soapy water. They don’t really have to be wrapped up or stored in any special way. They’re easy…and, as I’m sure you’ve noticed by now, my preference.
Jelly coated toys fall into different categories depending on how porous they are. But some take special cleaners. Some require boiling water. And all of them should be wrapped in clear plastic wrap before storing. And every piece of lint or dust will stick to them. Think about where it’s going…do you really want dust inside you? Kinda gives new meaning to the “it’s been so long I’m growing cobwebs” saying, doesn’t it?
Then there are the cyberskin toys…just avoid these at all costs. I believe Hustler or Penthouse puts them out. But these things are a dandy. Sure, they feel as close to real as any toy I’ve ever used, but it’s not worth the pain in the ass of cleaning them. In order to clean them, you first use warm soapy water (and they only come clean if you jump out of bed and get them to the sink while the stuff you’re trying to wash off is still wet). Then, you have to set up a system of some sort where you suspend them to let them air-dry. But none of the cyber-skin material can be touching anything or it leaves weird permanent indentures and slick spots. After they’re dry, you have to sprinkle them with talcum powder to keep the 'skin’ from getting all sticky and nasty feeling. They’re a real pain in the ass and I would say just avoid them altogether.
By X xene for Literotica
This post is part of the How To Sex podcast. Subscribe in your favorite apps.