The dating world’s been flipping on its head.
With input by Blonde&Balanced and Dinsmore. Listen to the Podcast at How To sex.
Clearly, western culture has started failing to secure our survival. We saw it in western Europe, late in the last century. Plus, totalitarian Asian governments dictated it. We quit having enough babies to replace ourselves. We quit teaching our younger generations that a big part of existence is, creating more existence.
We delegated out so much of parenthood, that we quit associating with our roles in life.
Then we quit finding our identity in marriage. That ancient blending of the two halves of humanity. Boys increasingly started pleasuring other boys, and girls started preferring a romp with another girl.
Hell, with internet porn and sex toys, even gay relationships started taking the hit.
People are increasingly alone, and getting lonely. But for many of our fellow humans, that’s more acceptable than all the potential disasters of trying to find a soulmate and life partner.
Here’s a report by Blonde&Balanced, about
28 of the possible reasons that men, in particular; are choosing to stay single.
The dating world’s been flipping on its head, with more men choosing to hit pause on the whole dating game. It’s not just a single problem causing this shift, but a variety of new challenges prompting guys to retreat.
Let’s delve into 28 reasons highlighting why some men are opting out of dating.
1: High Cost of Love.
The bill for playing the dating game can make some guys hit the brakes, especially when it’s on them to foot the bill for everything from fancy dinners to fun dates, all while balancing their budget.
2: Clash with Modern Women.
A rift between modern independence and traditional dating expectations has led to a disconnect, with men feeling sidelined by women’s dual demands for autonomy and special treatment.
3: Situationships.
This modern take on non-committal relationships allows for emotional and physical connection without the need to label or define the bond, making it a popular choice for many.
4: The Lost "Getting to Know You" Phase.
Ian Breslow, a 28-year-old high school teacher who lives in Astoria, shared his own personal experience that underscores a shift from casual dating to immediate, intense relationship probing, making casual encounters and light-hearted dating seem a thing of the past.
5: Impact of Pandemic.
Andrew Bruno’s account highlights how the pandemic has altered social behaviors, making in-person interactions less frequent and more guarded.
6: Goals over Dates.
Many men are putting love on the back burner to chase their career or academic dreams, driven by a mix of personal ambition, societal pressure, or the quest for financial security before settling down.
7: Past Pain.
Some guys are keeping their hearts off the market thanks to rough rides in past relationships, from betrayals to breakups, leaving them wary of round two.
8: High Expectations.
Feeling overwhelmed by the mountain of expectations in the dating world, some men think it’s just too much—whether it’s pressure from society, a string of bad dates, or those fairy-tale romances in movies.
9: Fear of Exploitation.
Past experiences of feeling used, whether for money, handyman services, or emotional support, have some men wary of dating again, fearing another round of exploitation.
10: The Age Gap.
For some, dating seems to cater exclusively to the young, leaving older individuals feeling out of place and questioning the worth of seeking love later in life.
11: Digital Dating.
The digital dating scene, with its endless swiping and focus on fleeting connections, has some dudes questioning if it’s all just a bit too shallow and overwhelming to bother with.
12: New Rules.
As the ground shifts beneath the traditional gender roles, a lot of men find themselves lost in the new norms of dating and relationships, unsure of their role.
13: Happy with Being Single.
With over half of single Americans content in their solo journey, the drive to seek out a partner is notably low, reflecting a broader acceptance of living life unattached.
14: Busy Life.
The modern dating marathon, with its initial virtual connections leading to real-life meetups, challenges even the best time managers, turning love-seeking into a logistical puzzle.
15: Low Sexual Desire.
Men experiencing a dip in sexual desire might find the dating scene less appealing, choosing instead to invest in friendships or other non-romantic relationships.
16: Emotional Barriers.
Struggling to forge deep emotional connections can act as a significant roadblock in the dating world, whether it’s a challenge with new partners or a deeper issue of emotional availability.
17: Fear of Rejection.
The potential for social rejection, with its emotional toll similar to physical pain, can lead men to steer clear of the dating scene to avoid the discomfort of being turned down.
18: Fear of Commitment.
For some, the idea of locking down with one person brings more panic than peace, driven by fears of lost freedom, past pains, or the weight of relationship responsibilities.
19: Mental Health Issues.
The stigma and challenges surrounding mental health can add layers of fear about judgment or rejection, making the dating scene appear unwelcoming for those struggling.
20: Dating Ambiguity.
The question of whether one is truly in a relationship, casually dating, or simply involved in a fling often goes unanswered, reflecting the widespread uncertainty in contemporary romance.
21: Single is More Acceptable.
Society has shifted from a focus on traditional milestones like marriage and parenthood to celebrating individual choice, making the single lifestyle more prevalent and accepted.
22: Self-Doubts.
Men battling low self-esteem may see the dating field as a minefield of potential rejections and embarrassments, choosing isolation over the risk of not being good enough.
23: Social Anxiety.
Social anxiety casts a long shadow over the dating experiences of many men, with the dread of judgment or rejection making even basic interactions seem daunting.
24: Questioning Love.
Men battling low self-esteem may see the dating field as a minefield of potential rejections and embarrassments, choosing isolation over the risk of not measuring up.
25: Too Lazy to Date.
It appears the bar has dropped, and men are finding shortcuts in the dating scene. The classic moves – shaving, dressing up, and traditional gestures like buying chocolates or flowers – seem too demanding for many today.
26: Pressure for Serious Commitment.
The societal push towards finding a serious relationship and the perceived loss of prime dating years during the pandemic have left some feeling caught between the desire for casual dating and the pressure to settle down. This conflict can lead to frustration and a sense of missing out on both fronts.
27: Expectation Gap.
Ronald Levant, professor emeritus of psychology at the University of Akron, suggest that women’s dating motivations might be evolving, with an increasing focus on finding long-term partners, especially as the biological clock becomes a consideration. This shift can create a mismatch in expectations between men and women, particularly affecting men who prefer casual relationships.
28: Communication Gap.
For some men, the daunting task of articulating feelings or navigating conversations can turn dating into a high-stress ordeal. This struggle often stems from societal norms that stifle male emotional openness, personal insecurities, or simply not having enough practice.
In a Perfect World, Marriage Might Work
The ramblings of a perpetually horny aging male.
By Dinsmore
At the end of the day, no matter how many baubles and flowers he gives you, no matter how much he tells you he loves your mother, no matter how many times he cooks you dinner or does the laundry, no matter how often he treats you to a romantic evening and no matter how many times he tells you that you are his 'best friend'; it's all bullshit. If he wanted a best friend; it'd be a guy.
He wants to get laid; that's all he ever has wanted, and ever will want. It's been that way for thousands of years. Stop reading women's magazines and just accept it. He just wants to fuck you.
One would also expect that the more experienced male; the one with more experience, sexually; would be less inclined to ejaculate prematurely, more adept at making the experience pleasurable for the female; thus getting invited back. Other females observing the coupling; or getting the details from tribal gossip; would be more interested in the particularly 'talented' male.
Sociologists and psychologists have really clouded the water in the last one hundred years, looking for all sorts of hidden meaning in an effort to make things more 'human' and thus more complicated than they need to be. Their efforts have completely confused both sexes and sadly, resulted in an increase in homosexual activity among females and males whose view and understanding of human sexuality is inadequate; or at best, distorted. In essence it is those humans that have essentially 'dropped out of the game.'
I'm not saying that those factors are the sole cause of increased homosexuality but certainly they have had an impact. The whole feminist revolution hasn't helped normal male-female interaction; at least sexual interaction. Certainly some homosexuals of both sexes find themselves unable to compete, i.e., weaker males who are not found attractive by the opposite sex and unattractive females who find it almost impossible to find a suitable male to mate with.
Again, one has to assume that in the 'good old days' of an ancient, primitive culture, weaker males simply did not survive the hardships. Unattractive females without the support of a strong hunter/gatherer, left on their own to fend, simply perished. While it may sound cruel, we have to accept the fact that the mating of the strongest and most attractive of the species is what ensured its very survival.
So, in a perfect world.
One thing that screws up the perfect world; is clothing mandates.
We men can't go around with our dicks hanging out for female inspection; well, except on the beach. Clothing makes it impossible for the female to demonstrate her readiness to conceive. Stupid women's magazines with inane articles about 'how to show him you are interested' don't help matters. Still, female fashion of the day is certainly intended to accent; 'display'; the female posterior. It's latent and subconscious. It's like saying, 'I know you can't actually see my labia; but trust me, it's there, it's engorged and my vulva is open and ready for your cock.'
Think back to the number of times a woman becomes interested in a man and finds every excuse to 'show her ass' so to speak. Again; forget the tits. In the good old days they were seldom covered and there was little male fascination with them. Baby formula hadn't been invented. Young women frequently turn their backs on a dance partner; if they have decided that the male in question is prime mating material.
I can remember one time going to pick up my kids after my divorce; my exwife climbed the stairs back to her new apartment, just as I settled behind the wheel, swaying her posterior provocatively as she ascended. I wasn't sure if she was having second doubts about the divorce; or simply trying to be cruel, saying: 'see what you're missing.'
The first time I met my second wife; keep in mind, we've now been married for over twenty years; she unconsciously presented. We had talked on the phone a number of times but never actually met. We still laugh about the fact that she decided to bend over to retrieve a file from a lower file drawer just as I entered her office. She was wearing these hounds-tooth pants. She still has an amazing ass; and the bending over stretched the fabric alluringly over her butt. I distinctly remember my dick twitching; and deciding that I was going to nail that hot little babe.
A number of years ago a buddy and I were flying military aircraft across the country and ended up staying in a west Texas city for a few days awaiting repairs on our aircraft. We rented a car and drove around, finding an all-nude diner. Out of curiosity we went in. To our surprise the girls were almost universally young and attractive. While there were certainly food sanitation issues, it was a very interesting experience. As our young waitress bent over the counter to give the kitchen our order, my buddy and I were spell bound as she thrust her pert young cheeks back and her sweet little cunt was in full view.
"That's what I'm talking about!" he said with a leer. "In a perfect world, when a guy sees a sweet young thing bent over like that, he'd just go over and mount her; there'd be a law requiring him to do so." I've had more than one erotic dream about such a world.
Sadly, the closest I ever came to it was
Thailand many years ago.
Three of us had ferried some aircraft over from Vietnam and were staying over waiting on the aircraft we were going to fly back. Thanks to maintenance delays and a monsoon, we got stuck in Thailand's major city for a couple of days. We ended up procuring some female companionship; the sex business in those days was legal, regulated and 'clean' over there. It was also absurdly inexpensive. Our driver and guide procured four quite attractive young women for us. We had rented a suite for something less than ten dollars a night in a four star hotel. The girls were sweet and friendly and spoke reasonable broken English. They figured out what we had in mind and were all naked within minutes of closing the business side of the deal.
So, within a few minutes, I'm looking around and the debauchery is in full swing. One little hottie is riding one of my buddies on the floor, two others are double teaming another guy and eying me wondering when I'm going to jump in and the fourth one is on her knees sucking off my other buddy. Her ass is up in the air and her cheeks are spread. Her little hairless pussy is glistening. Her ass is moving in slow circles. My cock is bone hard. I walk over to them; my friend getting his knob polished wordlessly indicates that he doesn't care. She looks back at my hard cock and nods. I'm balls deep in that tight little Asian cunt in a flash.
She's cute enough that I don't need to close my eyes and picture some girl from back home. She's either into it, or a damned fine little actress; she's making all the appropriate noises. This isn't about love or marriage, it's just about fucking; servicing the alpha males. The alphas expect you to display and present; there aren't going to be any cocktails or long walks on the beach.
Sweet thing, you're just going to get cock; and lots of it. We were in our early twenties, perpetually horny and deprived, after too many months in a war zone. We ordered room service and fucked those sweet little Asian whores constantly for twenty-four hours and not once did we hear, 'not tonight, I have a headache.'
I was not trying to impress this girl; I'll never see her again, and if I suck in the fucking department she'll neither care nor let on. No dinner, no five dates with increasing activity and no long kissing sessions or sweet nothings in her ear. This is just primal shit. Mount the bitch and fuck her. It's all about me getting off and enjoying myself. No guilt, no touchy-feely bullshit. It's fucking prehistoric. She's receptive, I'm hard; she exists for one reason in the world; to make me feel good by getting me off.
I almost ended up going to Thailand for a full tour; unfortunately I ended up back in Vietnam for a second tour; but I did get back to Thailand a few times, if only for an overnight. Lots of guys actually stationed there had multiple, full time, live in babes who, in addition to cooking and cleaning for them, fucked them on demand any time of the day or night. I'm not sure any marriage could have survived a tour of duty in Thailand.
What Would I Do?
I often wonder what I would do, if something happened to my wife? I love her to death and she really is my closest friend. We do everything together. She travels; by air; too damned much. If something happened to her, I'm just not sure I'd have the patience to 'jump back in the game' and find another wife. I doubt that I could find one as perfect as my bride of the last twenty-some years. We're terribly set in our ways.
A foreign mail order bride might be an answer. I'm financially secure; I could certainly afford it. Then again, there are so many horror stories about mail order brides and then of course there is a certain stigma in this society; for both participants. Ultimately she would end up becoming westernized and completely fucked up and I'd probably have to replace her just about the time I had her trained to my liking. Mexico is becoming crime ridden and politically unstable. Asian mail order brides have their own issues and end up being corrupted by our society.
I haven't been to Thailand in decades but I suppose it would be worth a look although I've heard things have changed for the worse. I'd miss my friends and my kids; I'd miss the good old U S of A. Still the idea of posting on eHarmony and then sorting my way through a series of plastically rearranged gold diggers makes me nauseous.
Why does it have to be so damn complicated? I don't need a maid, I’m an excellent cook, and don't need taking care of. I'm not cruel or abusive and don't drink to excess, or do drugs. I can offer an above average quality of life; but! If, God forbid, something should happen to my wife; I'm positive I don't want another one!
I'm not excited about getting into the modern dating scene, and everything it involves. I'm just looking for a decent, regular and reasonably attractive piece of ass, preferably first thing in the morning, and again before nodding off; with an occasional blowjob at lunch.
You don't have to like my friends, and I don't even have to meet yours. Now sure, there's always the chance that we might actually develop a genuine affection, find out that we really enjoy each other's company outside of sex; and then, who knows? Marriage wouldn't be out of the question, I suppose. But don't be surprised at the prenuptial agreement.
Still, I was thinking; you'd keep your own house; and job. Dinner out, or a movie on occasion; why not. At the end of the day, all of that would be just window dressing. At my core I'm just prehistoric. I want a reasonably attractive female in close proximity; who will present her luscious rump at regular intervals and not give me a ration of shit when I pull down her drawers and/or flip up her skirt and drill her cunt with a stiff dick. I know, I know, you'd like to cum too; no problem. I'm not that prehistoric.
By Dinsmore for Literotica
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